Can I Be Honest…?

Can I be honest…? Have you ever had these overwhelming sentiments that cast you into an incredibly helpless state?  Have you ever experienced a seemingly hopeless struggle between insanity and rational thought. If you have , most likely it has been because of a “her” or a “him.” I pray that those of you whom are reading this have not experienced this, but in all reality I know you have. I know that you all, at one point or another, have placed your identity in another human being…

Can I be honest…? It makes me cry, with a deep and painful sorrow, to see an incredibly wonderful human being place their identity in the hands of another. To witness a beautiful soul place all that they are in the hands of a careless individual. In those moments, my mind and heart becomes plagued with a crushing pain. It goes beyond, “I’d be better for them.” Rather, it becomes questions of, “Don’t you know you’re beautiful?”, “Don’t you know you’re so creative?”, “Don’t you know everything about you makes you so unique?”, “Haven’t you the slightest idea you are worth more than the birds of the air, the fishes of the sea, and the creatures of the land?”, “Don’t you know we love you?”, “Why can’t you see?”….

Can I be honest…? You might reject my compassion as nothing more than a young fellow caught up in an infatuation with a young lady. But, for the first time in forever, my hurt heart hurts for more than just a “her.” My heart honestly and earnestly hurts for the broken. It hurts for the weak. It hurts for the lost. It hurts for the blind. It hurts for the rejected. It hurts for the unloved. It hurts for every soul unwilling to love the “him” or “her” that they are…

Can I be honest…? I love you. I love you so much. With an intense, fiery passion that consumes every fiber of my being, I love you. But it is not with a romantic lust that seeks to satiate a sexual need. It is not with a desire to exterminate the loneliness and lack of self-discovery of a young nineteen year old. It is not with an attempt to temporarily vanquish the hurt and pain that plagues your heart. It is not even a hope to one day assume the honored position of being your equal and other half. It is none of these…

Can I be honest…? I love you with a passion that made itself forever known on a cross two-thousand years ago. It is with a longing that sent a King from heaven to Earth. It is with a desire that is no respecter of man, but a lover of all souls. It is with a yearning that sends an army of angels to vanquish all your enemies. It is with a caring heart that fought death so that you might live. It is not my own love, but the Love of a true Father…

Can I be honest…? To her whom I had thought of when I first wrote this, I want you to smile. I want you to laugh. I want you to love and I want you to live. I want you to smile with a heart that emanates the hope and health of a strong woman. I want you to walk a thousand miles and to never be held down by what “he” did to you. I want you to break the ceiling he built over you, and to fly in the skies of liberty and success. I want you to find freedom from everyone whose ever wronged you and walk in health, happiness, and assurance of a Father who genuinely loves you to no end.

Can I be honest…? It’s hard being honest. Truly. Yet, when true love meets you in the middle of the night and asks you to be honest, what can you do but tell the truth…

Can I be honest…? Do you know what true love is…? What I know it to be, caring for another without condition. Pouring your heart out for someone, even when they will not reciprocate it. And above all, being happy when they find happiness. That is me being honest.

(Psalms 34:18)

Much Love, Me

People are an Inspiration

Have you ever sat and wondered what effect you leave on a person. Not the irrational fear of teddy bears you left someone because of a prank, but an honest impression created in the space of a few seconds. I know my words may seem foolish, but I am quite sane in the membrane and I have a point to make here. There are many of you, among the few readers that accidentally clicked the link to this page, that feel insignificant. You find your existence more comparable to a fly than an actual human being. However, I would like to be of assistance in this matter, if you would so let me.

We, as human beings, are a peculiar creature. We experience this odd phenomenon known as feelings, a phenomenon that tends to direct the very decisions we make on a daily basis. [Now, understand, for those whose desire is to debate the validity of my previous statement, I ask that you not. I have a point to make, so just wait.]  Well, our emotions are affected by every situation, every inclination, every word, every smile, every cent and every dollar, every wave and every holler,  every “What’s Up” and every “Goodbye,” every laugh, and every cry. We’re moved to feel every moment of our lives. Constantly affected by the passing of the times and the shifting of the ground beneath our feet. Our moments make a memory that make that person. Crazy enough, you are a part of the process that make these moments.

Your smile illuminates the room, your laugh fills the halls with music, your brilliance paints your peers minds with wonder… You are like nothing that has ever existed on this Earth, nor will ever exist again. You are you, and that is incredible. People that pass you on the street, they witness you and cannot help but be overcome by curiosity. For the better part of a few seconds, a desire fills their heart and mind to know that which is you. Your unwritten story becomes a motivation to seek the truth. To seek you…

“Your smile illuminates the room, your laugh fills the halls with music, your brilliance paints your peers minds with wonder…”

What you have failed to realize, is that without your motivation to continue and fight, nobody will ever hear your story. Your story is more than a jotting down of a couple events and situations from birth to death. It is every beat of your heart since your inception. It is your every breath since your birth. It is every word since you were a baby. It is every step since you were a child. It is all of this, and yet, so much more. But, much more than this, can I tell you why it matters.

Yesterday, the old man walking across the street struggled to trek the journey over the dark pavement. His heart grew tired of the pain in his hips and back that caused much toil to travel about. En route to the other side and he caught a glimpse of you. The eighty-eight year old man, with impaired vision that softened every sight that he saw, worked arduously to focus his own vision. By the time things became much clearer, he witnessed the presence of smile painted smack-dab in the center of your face. In nearly ninety years of living he had witnessed much.

Travesty, heartache, loss, hurt, failure were among the few he had survived. However, what the man had come to understand was that his own existence was not defined by every situation, event, feeling and sentiment that came his way. Rather, it was his own existence that defined every situation, event, feeling, and sentiment. His perception of the world is what broke the shackles of control that his emotions and pains attempted to hold over him, and your smile reminded him of that.

Your smile can break the chains of someone’s bondage. Your laugh can tear down the walls of someone’s prison. Your words can send someone soaring above the clouds. Your existence can be the joy of another person’s existence. You can be the inspiration, you can be the change… all by being you.

How’s It Going

So, the last time I was on here was about five days ago. I left my professional hello with a summary, extremely generalized, of what it is I wanted to do here. At the time I was seated in the college library blogging away before I had to go to my next class. Time has gone by and life has changed for the better. Since I last wrote, I had the opportunity to go to work, attend a “Mexican” wedding, go to church, and go dancing in the rain. An immensely enjoyable several days for which to ponder both my life and existence and the meaning of all of it as I danced to “La Vaca.” Here is what I want to share:

Be Patient.

I am single at the time of this writing, and most likely, will be so for quite some time. I don’t say this to receive sympathy from those happily married or in a relationship. I state this as a fact to teach those in my position. At my age there are many who are longing, quite possibly, pining for a significant other in their life, and the effects of desire for someone to care for them can be quite damaging. I can recall a time, not too long ago, where I found myself so lost in selfishly longing for a girlfriend, that I ceased to care for my own existence or the memories that were being made around me. My parents, whom loved me ever so dearly, could do nothing but sit and pray and hope as I moped about at the hands of loneliness. I tried for ages to get a girl to like me, and whenever it seemed as though the ball was in my corner and I had finally achieved victory, it was fist of rejection that came and sent me flying back down into rock bottom. By the time of my first relationship, I had been rejected nearly twenty times by twenty different girls (and yes I know this is not a high number, but I am using this all to prove a point). At that stage of my life is was extremely hard to wake up and find a reason to be truly happy.

When I finally did find a girl who was willing to make pursuit of a relationship with me, her morals and beliefs were absolute opposite to that which I held in high regard. She drank, I abstained from all forms of alcohol (a reasoning I’ll provide at a later date). She did drugs, I didn’t do drugs. She had a kid and immediately wanted to have sex, I wanted to wait until marriage. She cussed like a sailor, I was trying to cut down on rude language. All those were just some of the examples of different lifestyle choices that I willingly overlooked because I was desperate to keep her. Yet, there was an even greater difference that stood as the ultimate reason for which our relationship was destined for failure.

She Lusted and I Loved…

Her emotions and sentiments towards me, and even the two other girls I dated after her, were solely based upon desire. Her desire was nothing more than sexual relation and the other physical benefits of a relationship. The two other ladies I dated had a desire for self-worth for which they believed I could give them through our relationship. The problem for myself was I loved. Not in a way for which young men whose hormones are running at five-hundred miles per hour say they love, but with a greater Love. As my first relationship was in full-swing I began to allow God to break bondage off of me. My heart no longer hurt like it once did, and I found myself not falling, but loving my girlfriend for who God had purposed her to be, as both a mother and an individual.  Long story short, not a single relationship worked out for me, and here I sit still single. But, I am single with a reason, and this reason I give unto you.

Be patient. Wait and be patient for whomever it is that is destined to be with you. I can say from experience, I know it hurts waiting for a woman. I know that it seems to be the worst feeling in the world when there is an individual whom you’ve seemingly dedicated all that you can to, both physically and emotionally, and she in no way reciprocates those sentiments. It’s an ugly feeling. But, in what way is a continual pursuit of an individual who doesn’t feel for you make the situation any better. Not only do you hurt yourself, but you hurt the one that will become your soul mate. If you are not whole enough, having a self-worth, a self-appreciation, joy, and love, how can you support and be equals for your future spouse. You can’t. That is why singleness is a blessing in disguise. It gives all of us time to make ourselves ready for the person we plan to spend the rest of our lives with.

How do you emotionally prepare for Him/Her?

I don’t believe I will ever know all of those who sit down and spend time to read this blog, so I don’t know where you are in life and what you believe in. So, for whomever you may be, I want to tell you what Love is. Love is not the feeling/emotion you get looking at your spouse as they walk down the aisle. Love is not seeing your first child being born. Love is not the proud faces of your Mother and Father seeing you achieve your lifelong goals. Those are a product of what true love is. Love is a man named Jesus whose compassion for the people of this Earth reached further than the persecution and hate he ever received. Depression is serious, but it can be defeated. Today, wherever you may be I ask of you, that if you want to escape loneliness or if you want to be ready for your future spouse; give it to God. God’s Love, the real love that He gives and not the one people promote hate with, is so incredibly unconditional that it goes beyond your race, color, religion, and lifestyle choices. God loves you for who you are and whom He made you to be. It says Romans 3:23:

“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”

Nobody is perfect. Not one. And what you are going through, we have all been there. Even more, you are loved. I love you. Jesus loves you. If you want Jesus to be apart of your life, simply ask. Tell Him that you need Him. There is not an exact salvation prayer written in the Bible. The prayer is acknowledging you’re a sinner, acknowledging the death and resurrection of Jesus, and giving it to Him.

You’re Not Alone.

Despite circumstances and past things, your past isn’t who you are anymore. It is gone and forgotten and can never be brought up again. If you need to contact someone you can e-mail me at l2bass360@gmail.com. I hope this helped. This post really changed from beginning to end, but you’ll learn that’s me.

Much Love,

David JM